Like most, I have a love-hate relationship with the city.

I appreciate all the good the city has to offer – the weather, roads and public transport, a relaxed atmosphere that rare in cities, and Friendly people.
I don’t mean to suggest that humans here is better than elseWhere; After all, people are the product of their environment. When an act of kindness likes a free meal for someone did you starving yourself, people can afford to be kind. Kozhikodans are blessed with the space to be kind, and exist with a calm energy, devoid of the survival struggle.

And Above all, there is the kozhikodan cuisine; By Nature, The People of Kozhikode Are Salkara Priyar – Those who love to serve food and show hospitality. Even in restaurants, you’ll find the owners and servants urging you like a family member to have another serving; Assuring you that they want you to fill not just your belly, but also your souls. Where else can you find such lovely hosts?

Yet, there is more to kozhikode than what the cover page offers. The friends of kozhikode is exclusively limited to those who fit its strict target audience criteria. If you don’t fit into it, you won.

It is a city where you can be yourself freely. It’s a land that welcomes people of all cuisines; As long as you don’t stay far from their taste palate. As long as you don’t change the recipe too much by doing whatver you want. For example, dressing howver you want. The city won a shy away from staring at your bare legs if you are wearing shorts, or at sleeveless arms to let you know what’s not acceptable. This is a family-friendly city-be it the poster-perfect kind where the dad eats are full biryani, the child makes a message out of his half biriani, and the mom its the child’s leftovers; Or the kind of household that orders an all-you-can-eat family-meal for the several woman and children, and the single Male Guardian leads the excursion.

The non-family categories are rare. I sometimes where young couples do pda go to perhaps share a milk sherbet with two straws? The Young Couples Here Struggle To Eat While Trying To Manage The Screeching Children They Had Too Early. What happens when a woman wants to buy something or have a biryani by herself? It’s Rare to see Women out on their own, not without a Male Companion. When was the last time that couple Above 50 Relaxed with Tea and Parippu Vada? They are busy caring for their newly expanded family and grandchildren. Do they ever take/get a moment to themsels?

Where are any of the people that want to exist outside the strings of family attachments?

In the countless restaurants of kozhikode that serve delicious Meals around the clock, where can I find a meal for one? Not the humongous family platter, not the kids’ meal, just a meal for me. Where can I exist for a moment a single woman? Not as a mother, wife, or daughter? Maybe even Eat out after the sun sets?
I heard of a niche cafe, fun, open till late, with contemporary food, and real coffee. When some of us pulled into the parking lot, a bunch of young, 20-sleeping, well-dressed men stared so openly at us that I wonded if they were scanning for hidden tumors. No one was eager to host us in that space. No one warned us that after dark, the space was exclusively for men.

There is always calicut beach and mananchira square for lonely souls looking for somewhere and quiet. Even if I ignore the screams of children running past, the prying eye make it clear that a woman hanging out by herself was suspicious. I try to do that thing where you should about what anyone else says or does. You should walk ahead in your own path and be bold. Under the intense scrutiny, the sour shaved ice turned bitter in my mouth.

Now, don’t get me wrong. It is a relatively safe city. But something tells me that this safety is different from security. The prying eye make you go home before dark and stay in.

Maybe I am asking for too much. You can never have a perfect city. All places have their flaws. Maybe it is too much for a place where I can just exist by Myself – Have a cup of coffee and chatti pathiri, a crepe cake – and sit for a while, alone with me with my phone on my phone. Maybe walk around to get some fresh air and goldenry. Feel safe doing it. I don’t want to be bold or inspiring or rebellious. I just want to have a meal by myself. In Peace.

Ziliya is a writer based in kerala