SEX ACCORDING TO MAÏA

Those most conservative among us will lose sleep over this: 86% of lesbians always or regularly reach an orgasm during sex, but only 65% of heterosexual women do (Archives of Sexual Behavior, 2017). A woman is 33% more likely to climax with a woman than with a man (Archives of Sexual Behavior, 2018). In France, homosexual women have more varied practices than straight women. They also have a greater number of partners (French Institue Of Public Opinion, 2021).

These facts are rarely highlighted because they contradict a certain heterosexual mythology. You learned this mythology as a child. Perhaps you’ve even passed on its major mantras: “Nature knows best,” “men and women are complementary” or “the advantage of penetration is that it gives the same pleasure to both partners at the same time.” On paper, all these statements are appealing. But in reality, nature doesn’t give a damn about our pleasure, so long as we reproduce the species, and even if heterosexual penetration can be pleasurable, scientific studies have shown for decades that it is a highly unequal practice in terms of results (it gives more orgasms to men than to women).

Let me now reassure you, heterosexuals: This column is not about turning you into a lesbian (as a straight woman, I’d be hard-pressed to proselytize you in any way). It is simply about recognizing that there is something in lesbian sexuality that works, that is useful and that could inspire people far beyond the questions of sexual orientation. In short; if lesbians are better at making love, let us be humble and listen to their teachings.

To that end, I would like to suggest a very well-constructed essay, which has just arrived in bookstores. In A Nos Désirs (“To Our Desirs,”), journalist Elodie Font recounts the intimate lives of lesbians, drawing on over a thousand personal accounts, the diversity of which shatters stereotypes. In the heterosexual imagination, lesbian sexuality is often caricatured, trapped between sentimentality on the one hand and pornography on the other (the scissors position, oversized dildos…).

In real life, it is obviously more complicated than that. Font describes practices, imaginations and even ways of thinking about the body that seem to me to be extremely favorable to pleasure… Including for men! Because lesbian talent is due less to material advantages (no, women do not have any sort of edge just because they have “the same body”) than it is due to their immense freedom. So whatever your appearance, whatever your preferences, why not become a little lesbian?

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