“I’m in love; it takes up all the space and occupies my mind. He’s my best friend, who also happens to be my best friend’s ex. Not the ideal situation! I think she suspects it. We argue a lot, and I feel like she trusts me less. I understand, but I can’t stop thinking about this boy. We go to the same school, but we only talk outside of it… At first, we were just having fun, but then it became something more. It just happened naturally. He never judges me and always tries to understand my point of view. I don’t want to choose between them because I’m afraid of making the wrong choice and losing the other person forever. But if I had to, I think I would choose him. I like how I feel; it’s gentle and tender, without the game of the unattainable girl and the boy chasing after her, or the other way around. It’s a nice change from the daily grind. Returning to normal life is underwhelming, and I look forward to our dates. There’s tension with my parents because I’m less focused on my studies. So, the end of the year is a bit complicated.
Right up until the end-of-the-year teachers’ conference, when I found out that I’d be moving onto the core curriculum, I didn’t really know where I stood, where to go, or what to choose. I need to get my baccalaureate, any baccalaureate. High school is tough; I can’t stand it anymore. At my school, the bar is high, and the average grades are high. It feels like the end of the world if you haven’t chosen your path, or if you don’t know what you want to do. Luckily, my parents don’t pressure me. It’s often just me putting the pressure on myself because I want to do well at all costs. Even when I know I’ve studied, I lose my nerve and self-confidence. I stress out, cry, and it’s exhausting.
I’m not a career-oriented person. I want to do what I enjoy and give meaning to my life. I know that I couldn’t stay behind a desk, for example, and that I like everything manual and people. I also like listening, being in contact with others, motivating them.
In fact, for a group project, I managed to convince my SES [economics and social sciences] teacher to let me work with my two best friends on the film Consent [released in 2023, adapted by Vanessa Filho from Vanessa Springora’s book, published by Grasset in 2020]. She was worried we were tackling too sensitive a subject. We asked her to analyze the TikTok effect, which made her famous among young people. We were right in line with what she was asking for: the economic, political or social impact of a topical issue. It’s a very serious subject, and one that was close to my heart. I preferred it to the COP [climate conference]. It’s all very well to talk about it, but next year it’ll be the same or even worse. To be honest, it’s too discouraging.
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